Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
