I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
