All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you had me at cake vodka
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
