So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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