im drinking this country out of the recession.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
May the power of my ass compel you!!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
