Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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