Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
