All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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