i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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