i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
