then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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