Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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