Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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