so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
