You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
