i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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