feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
