I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need a beard to bite.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
