Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
