yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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