the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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