I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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