he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
