i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
