So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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