Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
