its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
