btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
