At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
