Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
