Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
