were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
