I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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