You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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