I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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