I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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