community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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