you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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