He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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