Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
