he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
