I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
