Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
