While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
