How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
