she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
