i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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