I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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