I heard we made out
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
