Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
