You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
