Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
