Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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