he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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