I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
