Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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