there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
