You just made me feel so damn special
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
