I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize