my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So many bounce houses so little time
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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