You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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