You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
