Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
