so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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