Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize