guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
