remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize