I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
